i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
