Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
