you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I love you. Go after that dick
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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