I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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