I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
