Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
