John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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