He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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