Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
