Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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