I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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