She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
