i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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