you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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