I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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