my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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