i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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