I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
