"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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