I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
