hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
