operation harelip BJ is a go
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
