My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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