and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
