please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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