Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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