We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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