is your mom at the bar?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
