I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it glows. i had to have it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
