they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Panties = found
Randomize
