He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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