Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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