Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
