How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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