i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
