My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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