I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
