Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
