apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
