Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
