??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
