It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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