The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
