Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
