So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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