White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
