Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
