so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
