i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
