just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
