do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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