i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
